tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49902757671888807192024-03-11T18:05:52.938-04:00a soul on the runmy own words ~ brBob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-61205812966106311352024-02-16T02:50:00.000-05:002024-02-16T02:51:05.046-05:00I Wonder if You Know?It's 2am and I awake from my dreams, again.
<br>You and I, and our daughters…a happy, loving family.
<br>And yet it's been more than 14 years now,
<br>since you ended our marriage, ended that family.
<br>
<br>No matter how hard I try to forget…try to move on.
<br>Not every night.
<br>But still more often than not.
<br>You visit me in my dreams.
<br>
<br>And now, like so many nights,
<br>I lay awake for hours
<br>Wondering what went wrong.
<br>How does a love like that just disappear?
<br>How does a life like that just disappear?
<br>
<br>I guess for me it doesn't.
<br>It visits when I close my eyes.
<br>And after 14 years I have to face that this is me.
<br>This is my life until I die.
<br>
<br>And I wonder if you know what you have done?
<br>I wonder if you know what you threw away?Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-48688201879587687262023-12-23T09:39:00.004-05:002023-12-23T09:41:04.991-05:00...at least Jesus was betrayed with a kiss.<div style="text-align: left;">Next month will mark the 14th anniversary of when my wife of 29 years and 4 months decided she no longer wanted to be married. She simply preferred to be on her own.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />She handed me a piece of paper with her lawyer's contact information and told me to find a lawyer of my own.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />So much for, "for better or worse".</div><div style="text-align: left;">So much for, "until death do us part".</div><div style="text-align: left;">So much for, "Love is patient, love is kind,...love never fails".</div><div style="text-align: left;">So much for family life.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So much for growing old together with a trusted friend that knows you like no other. Trust...a word I may never be able to <i>trust</i> again.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Move on? I've tried. A couple times. But as the song goes, 'you can't make old friends'. As a child my birth mother betrayed me and instilled in me the determination to find a forever partner. An until-death-do-us-part partner. Someone to celebrate a 50th and 60th anniversary with... but I failed. And now that just isn't possible. No amount of wanting to move on can change that.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">A simple piece of paper and my life, my future, as I had hoped and planned, was gone forever.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Amazing the power one little piece of paper can yield...at least Jesus was betrayed with a kiss.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-77500301426633093822023-08-29T16:17:00.001-04:002023-08-29T16:20:22.051-04:00Waiting For The EndMarried.
<br>Did the vows.
<br>A covenant between me, her, God.
<br>For better or worse.
<br>Richer or poorer.
<br>Death do us part.
<br>Yadda, yadda, yadda…
<br>30 years later and she just wanted to be by herself.
<br>Forget the covenant.
<br>Forget the vows.
<br>Forget we had a family…we WERE a family.
<br>And God? Gone AWOL.
<br>My life? Also gone AWOL.
<br>That was my life.
<br>The only life I ever wanted.
<br>But she wanted to be alone.
<br>"Selfish" doesn't quite cover it…
<br>Anyway, I guess daughters naturally gravitate to mothers.
<br>So here I am.
<br>On the outside looking in.
<br>Waiting for the end.Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-15492160802457408312023-08-28T23:09:00.001-04:002023-08-28T23:09:52.264-04:00Please God. I Need to Retire.I can't see how retiring right now, without winning a lottery, is possible. I don't need much, but I need something. If it was a big enough lottery I'd travel as well, likely non-stop. But I'd settle for just being able to retire. I am just so tired. So very tired…Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-23826024284010223512023-06-11T00:00:00.001-04:002023-06-11T00:00:38.184-04:00WTF<div dir="ltr"><p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">I'm driving a '68 Chevelle Malibu,</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">my grandmother's old car,</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">along old Finch in Scarborough.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">Going through a dark train tunnel,</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">with a few high school friends crowded in.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">Pink Floyd's The Wall on 8-track.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">"Is there anybody out there?" chilling...</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">Don't recall where we were heading.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">Nowhere, probably. </font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">Warm Summer nights, mid 70s.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">Just driving. Being teenagers.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">The next day I woke up and I'm 62.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 14.3px;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;"><br></font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">WTF!?</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 14.3px;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;"><br></font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">I wish I still had that old car.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">I wish I still had those old friends.</font></p> <p style="margin: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"><font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 15px;">I wish...</font></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-15383355884482963522023-06-09T15:58:00.002-04:002023-06-09T15:58:12.579-04:00Wedding VowsBefore I was married<div>I learned about wedding vows. </div><div>The covenant of love between two people, </div><div>and between that couple and God. </div><div>The couple pledges faithfulness to God.</div><div>And in return receive God’s grace to sustain them,</div><div>as individuals and as a couple.</div><div>Truly blessed.</div><div>And I believed this wholeheartedly.</div><div>I was such an idiot.</div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-69789368273100069152023-04-08T10:27:00.000-04:002023-06-09T15:51:22.379-04:00Easter?<div dir="ltr"><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">Happy Easter!</span></p><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">No? That's not you?</span></p><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">Well then, Chag Sameach!</span></p><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">No again? Passover is not you either?</span></p><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">Who are you then?</span></p><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">The sun? The moon? The Buddha?</span></p><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">Whoever you are, may the blessings </span></p><p style="font-family: "System Font"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span face="".SFUI-Semibold"">you hold in your heart be known to you this day.</span></p></div><div dir="ltr"></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-27448531099193700182023-04-03T21:45:00.001-04:002023-06-09T15:50:44.088-04:00Regrets...I spent the first 50 years of my life
<br />making sure I didn't have any regrets
<br />in the final years of my life.
<br />I failed...Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-62773411833624807382023-03-09T16:31:00.001-05:002023-06-09T15:37:01.882-04:00And none of us ever find out whyAnd we all live
<br />And we all die
<br />And we all struggle to get by
<br />
<br />But still we laugh
<br />And still we cry
<br />And none of us ever find out whyBob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-48374825618136388322022-07-19T09:13:00.001-04:002023-06-09T15:54:18.542-04:00It was a long night.Last night I dreamed in pieces.
<br />Of old mates, of soulmates, and lost mates.
<br />Of good love, of bad love, of lost love.
<br />Of old places, of good places, of bad places.
<br />Of the bad I've done, the good I've done, the worst I've done.
<br />Of long held regrets, of fresh regrets, of painful regrets.
<br />It was a long night.Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-41056449375006478982022-05-27T04:42:00.001-04:002022-05-27T04:42:06.638-04:00Dead Man Walking<p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Struggled to move on</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Chains are too strong</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The past is the prison</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">To a future that is gone</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A soul that is home</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">To a heart that beats alone</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A dead man walking</span></p><div dir="ltr"><p style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-91943475112157868272022-05-19T08:49:00.001-04:002023-03-25T20:36:15.544-04:00Demons PastThis night
<br />Forever will this night last
<br />Sleep stolen by demons past
<br />Take me
<br />Please take me fast
<br />Save my soul from demons past
<br /><br />Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-62921631518514414462022-05-16T07:54:00.001-04:002022-05-16T07:54:54.586-04:00Left Alone<p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When left alone</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">With just my thoughts</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">My mind goes where it ought naught</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It starts today</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">With challenges at hand</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It creates a noise I cannot stand</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So I travel back</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">To years long gone</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When hopes were high, and future shone</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A comfort, no</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So further back I go</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That darkness causes tears to flow</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So I shake it off</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Back to the fight</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Begin my day, that's as dark as night.</span></p><div dir="ltr"><p style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-75421307367957454602022-05-15T19:08:00.001-04:002022-05-15T19:08:33.352-04:00I Wish You Love<p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I wish you happy</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When I've moved on </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I wish I had found it before I was gone.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I wish you love</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When I am gone</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I wish I had the strength to carry on.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Please remember </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When I am gone</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It was your love I relied on.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Please pray my love</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I will pray my love</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Eternal love. Eternal love.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I wish you love…</span></p><div dir="ltr"><p style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-54491100622581523002022-05-10T12:24:00.001-04:002023-06-09T15:46:00.160-04:00My pain is my healingThey say to make
<br />the pain go away
<br />I need to forgive.
<br />I need to heal.
<br />
<br />But it's my pain.
<br />I earned it.
<br />Worked hard for it.
<br />My pain is my healing.Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-72213653769550552532022-05-08T13:13:00.001-04:002022-05-08T21:26:00.424-04:00Memories Learned<p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Kindergarten at Rolph Road Public School</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I had a friend on the corner</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Another down the street</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Several that just appeared</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We played road hockey</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Climbed tress and jumped in leaves</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Crushed Pennies on train tracks</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and played chicken on our bikes.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I grew up in Leaside</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">First as Duane, then as Bob</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That's where life began</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I was six. The before was wished away</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The before, I'm told, was Cornwall</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then Logan Ave and The Riverdale Zoo</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And a sister and a brother or two or three</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And a lot of Toronto Children's Aid Society </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In a house as an only child</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In another as one of many</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In one where I did the laundry</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In another where I was strapped, a lot</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In and out</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Sometimes fed, often not, never well</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Sometimes hugged sometimes slapped.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And then I turned six</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then it was Leaside</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then it was real memories</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Not just memories learned</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">from the past I had wished away </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There was public skating</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and popcorn and Hockey games</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hot chocolate and The Westbury Hotel</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And Santa Claus Parades</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There was the Chip King</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And adults playing cards</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hockey Night in Canada</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and the The Flintstones at Lunch</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There were also house fires</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Doctor visits</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Stolen cars</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And skipping school</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And there was a new mother that cared</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And a new father who dared</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He wouldn't back down</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and he never gave in or up</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There was a blue convertible </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Juicy Fruit gum and True Cigarettes </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There was an office on Bayview</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">near a diner with Lemon Pie</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There was a TV Commercial</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and rubber cement</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There was Canada Wire and Cable</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and skate sharpening and Mr. Mahovlich</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">There were wirehaired dogs</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">and a kind, elderly not-aunt</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The Christmas Wish Book</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And Santa Claus was real after all </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I began as a rescue dog</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">too scared, too quiet, too thin</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But love found me and cared for me</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And I received more than I deserved</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And now I have the memories </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Mostly good</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Some bad</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And the worst, those are the memories learned</span></p><div dir="ltr"><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-42545916824481351572022-05-05T16:03:00.001-04:002022-05-08T14:27:53.774-04:00Embracing the Pain<p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When you've lost everything.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Everything but the alone.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Everything but the heartache.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And you're angry and tired all the time.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And if you stay there long enough.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In that loveless loneliness.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In that pain.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then that is who you become.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">People want to help.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">People think you want help.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">They think you want to heal.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">They want to rid you of your pain.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">They want you to know love again.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Or maybe no one even notices.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Maybe you're that good at hiding.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">After all, you just keep smiling.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I'm fine. Just tired.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Except you're not fine.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But you can't open up.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You can't show your true self.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then they'll want to help.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">To fix it. To fix you.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And that scares you.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You have earned your new self.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Earned your loneliness, your pain.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And you couldn't bear to lose yourself.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Not again. Not a third time.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So you cling to it. Hard.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">You embrace your pain.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">After all, without your pain,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Who are you?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And how would you know you're alive?</span></p><div dir="ltr"><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-26101027747960564392022-04-09T23:23:00.001-04:002022-05-02T22:58:06.805-04:00Love. It doesn’t matter.<p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In many ways, I checked out of life in 2010.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Although some, including me, think I was pushed out.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Not that it matters.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It doesn't.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And it probably never did.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But now, 12+ years later,</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">it matters even less. </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">If that's possible.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The harder truth is, I don't matter.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What I like.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What I want.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What I think.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What I have to say.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">None of it matters.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Not to me, not anymore.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Another truth is that I chose where I am.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">People have said I should get over it, move on.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Forgive and forget.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Maybe.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Maybe one day.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But probably not. </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I bought and paid for this hurt.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So I'm not giving it up.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It's mine. I own it.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What did matter is the life I had.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It was ended for me.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Intentionally.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And who cares about that?</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Nobody. Everyone has their own life.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Their own problems, betrayals.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I not the first or last to be stabbed in the back.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And so now I face another truth. </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This end I own didn't really start in 2010.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It started when I was born.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I was dealt a bad hand from the start.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Some are. Many are. So what.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It doesn't matter.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I did get several breaks along the way.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I was adopted.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I grew up in a good home.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">With good parents, good brothers.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Met my wife.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We planned our life.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Took our vows.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Blessed with 4 beautiful daughters.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Beautiful home.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The future looked bright.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">All blessings that many never enjoy.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But then, after 30 years, it all changed.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That wife decided that not even wedding vows mattered.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">"for better or worse"</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">"until death do us part"</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Doesn't matter. </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">She felt it was easier to just move on.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And that's what she did.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Thirty years didn't matter.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A covenant with God? Doesn't matter.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">What God has joined? Doesn't matter.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">None of that matters.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The Bible says "Love never fails"</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">If that's true, then there was never love.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">She moved on but I didn't. Still haven't.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I'm stuck there. That's where I died.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Wife stopped caring. God stopped caring.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I stopped caring.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I stopped mattering.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Stopped living.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This wasn't the first time a woman</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">abandoned me,</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">betrayed me,</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">deceived me.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But it would be the last.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So I checked out.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Took myself out of the game. Out of living.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And it doesn't matter. </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I started out broken, and I never healed.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And now, it doesn't matter.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Love is patient?</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Love is kind?</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Love never fails? </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Maybe. Maybe for some.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But I wouldn't know…</span></p><div dir="ltr"><p style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-19888843341197882962022-04-04T11:14:00.001-04:002022-04-04T11:14:44.459-04:00Just His Tears in Her Place <div dir="ltr"><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A daughter engaged.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Wedding plans begin.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Her mother is centre</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">from beginning to end.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The father knows nothing </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Unless he asks.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Nothing is shared.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Nothing is tasked.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The mother is inside.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The father is out.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He doesn't complain. </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He's not what this day is about.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He shares in so little.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He only waits for the day.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The Summer, the wedding </span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">His cherished part in the play.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Father and daughter walk down the aisle</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It's his honour, a daughter's gift of true grace.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then they'll dance their one dance</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And she's gone, just his tears in her place.</span></p></div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-53044229684731530742022-04-01T13:52:00.000-04:002022-04-03T14:00:27.880-04:00Treat Love With Care<p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When I was young, young love I found.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It reached my soul, it was my ground.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hard years passed, that love has died.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Now life's a struggle, loneliness my bride.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I look in the mirror, dead eyes look back</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Betraying the good life, before my heart cracked.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The smile I wear, it hides my tears</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But it's a lie to myself, denying the wasted years.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I've tried to be honest, to not live a lie</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But love has passed me by, and I struggle with the why.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">If only I'd listened, to the many who tried</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But I always knew better, and so now I simply wait to die.</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hiding in the shadows of my former life</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">it's all gone now, my heart crushed by a wife.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hoping one day, I will find my peace,</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">but how can one person, kill all belief?</span></p><p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 22px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Regardless of all, I still hope beyond reason</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">that I will know love, in this my final season.</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">If God should grant me, this simple prayer</span></p><p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I promise that this time, I'll treat it with care.</span></p>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-74782499467891807572020-09-22T13:11:00.001-04:002021-01-02T13:23:55.499-05:00We Struggle for the WhyAnd we all live
<br />And we all die
<br />And we all struggle to get by. <div><br />But still we laugh
<br />And still we cry
<br />And none of us ever find out why...</div>Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-83563814538541789032020-03-01T13:19:00.000-05:002021-01-02T13:26:26.180-05:00The Artist’s TearsI'm a poet with a dried up pen.
<br>A picture taker with a broken lens.
<br>An actor with no lines to say.
<br>An artist from another day.
<br>
<br>I've lived a life not my own.
<br>A reincarnated poet from a time unknown.
<br>My body home to many artists souls
<br>Still trying to be born.
<br>
<br>I need to draw, I need to write.
<br>Too many thoughts cloud my light.
<br>Mere focus is not mine tonight,
<br>No one artist can find the light.
<br>
<br>Those nights to years
<br>And decades passed.
<br>The artist's tears
<br>come home at last.Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-6666402690976859682019-08-26T13:13:00.000-04:002021-01-02T13:16:47.443-05:00Why God? Seriously... WTF?I came into this world with an old, worn out soul
<br>that was paired with a battle scarred heart.
<br>I didn't know who you were back then
<br>but I sensed you had my back, from the start.
<br>
<br>I was pushed around.
<br>Bounced around.
<br>Pounded around.
<br>Only you held me. You were my ground.
<br>
<br>So many times, throughout my five decades,
<br>I look at events and see your grace at work.
<br>But this last decade, I can't feel you anymore.
<br>What the fuck God? You can be such a jerk.
<br>
<br>Why save me, watch over me, all those years
<br>only to abandon me in the end.
<br>Is it that I've served your purpose?
<br>Am I of no use to you anymore?
<br>I feel betrayed. I thought you were my friend.Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-71208915505916923522018-12-04T13:15:00.000-05:002021-01-02T13:17:31.417-05:00I Try to PrayMy burdens are so heavy.
<br>There are moments I can't cope.
<br>I try to pray, I try to believe.
<br>I try to reach for promised Hope.
<br>
<br>Then I hear of others,
<br>Who's burdens bring me shame.
<br>That I should pray for some relief
<br>from a life others see as gain.Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4990275767188880719.post-66597896582768668532018-11-13T13:22:00.000-05:002021-01-02T13:23:21.269-05:00SentimentsDriving, driving, driving.
<br>The wheels go 'round and 'round.
<br>It's a life I'm barely surviving.
<br>Soon I'll be underground.
<br>
<br>I smile nice.
<br>A warm handshake.
<br>To hollow eyes.
<br>Sentiments fake.Bob Rodkinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09720043094697896541noreply@blogger.com0